Defeats Bra to Snatch Super Bowl Title
February 2, 2004
HOUSTON, TX -- In a surprise turn of events, pop star Justin Timberlake walked away from last night’s Super Bowl performance with what many agree was the most offensive play of the evening, as he snatched a portion of Janet Jackson’s costume in a surprise maneuver in the final moments of the halftime show.
The two were performing as part of an MTV-produced halftime show, which also featured P. Diddy, Nelly and Kid Rock.
"Timberlake is making a grab . . . and IT’S GOOD!" said commentator I.P. Freely.
"Clearly, Timberlake is well-versed in side-stepping another pop star’s defenses," said co-commentator Jacques Strappe. "He used that move last season on Britney Spears."
Timberlake’s play managed to offend an unusually large portion of the viewers and has drawn much condemnation from news columnists and other Super Bowl affiliates. The pop star has also drawn attention away from other offensive players who performed well in the game, particularly quarterbacks Jake Delhomme of the North Carolina Panthers and Tom Brady of the New England Patriots. Timberlake’s stunt has also overshadowed the stellar performance of Adam Vinatieri, who kicked the winning field goal for the New England partriots in the final seconds of the game.
The Federal Communications Commission has announced a probe into Timberlake and his involvement in the incident.
Timberlake not only surprised Janet Jackson’s defense with the play, but he also surprised officials at MTV, who issued a contrite statement deriding the incident.
In addition to MTV, nearly all other Super Bowl affiliates have adjusted their own defensive strategies to account for Timberlake’s aggressive behavior. Rarely in football are major corporations forced to adopt defensive positions, making the series of plays unprecedented.
Timberlake himself has adopted a defensive posture and issued a statement voicing his regret about the apparent "wardrobe malfunction."
Timberlake even outshined the offensiveness of a half-time streaker, whose stunt was actually a paid promotion for a gambling operation whose name was written on this chest.
reported in jest by John Eischeid