April 11, 2003
New York, NY -- Meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced today that Spring has been canceled in the New York City metropolitan area. The meteorologists cited numerous fronts that will be moving in and out of the area indefinitely and an especially harsh winter as causes for the cancellation.
"Since winter was like the Arctic Circle, and April has been like February, the seasons are simply running late. We have had no choice but to cancel Spring," said Wendy Anne Rainey, meteorologist as the National Weather Service. Rainey said that New Yorkers can expect weather that is "sucky."
The cancellation of a season is without precedent, but weathermen and citizens have all responded in agreement.
"I think she's right on track. I don't see Spring-like weather arriving anytime soon," said Seymore Snow, meteorologist and forecaster for the local television station NY1. "It's gonna be sucky."
"Does this look like Spring to you? I don't see Spring," said Rufus Wett, Brooklyn resident. "I'm wearing my Avirex coat in April," he said, referring to this coat. "Spring might as well be canceled."
While meteorologists at the National Weather Service were reluctant to give estimates as to when summer would arrive, Rainey was willing to concede: "It might be late-June to mid-July, at the earliest. And it'll be hot."
Reported in jest by John Eischeid