November 4, 2004
The hip-hop community yesterday made numerous accusations and complaints regarding voter “fraudizzle” on November 2nd. Despite poll watchers, the community claims, numerous eligible minority voters were turned away from the polls and were given “provisional ballots,” which may or may not have been counted. Such actions constitute fraud, or “fraudizzle” as it has been described, according to lawyers representing plaintiffs in lawsuits filed.
“This election is fo’ rizzle,” said one rapper, “so peeps gotta vote. Can’t be having no fraudizzle at my pizzle!”
“Fo’ shizzle!” said an anonymous member of his entourage, “I gots to cast my vote for the Kizzle, knock that Bizzle out tha izzle.”
"Dog, I gots ta get my vote on," said another.
Pop culture icon Mr. T also expressed his support of the plaintiffs and his dismay at the possible disenfranchisement of voters.
“I pity the fool that throws away provisional ballots,” he said in a press conference, adding, “Fraudizzle makes me mad!! HRRRRRRRRRR!!”
The use of such provisional ballots was widespread this year after state election boards were instructed to ensure those registered could vote even when their eligibility was in dispute.
The hip-hop community took up the cause because a large portion of those turned away are minorities, who tend to vote for Democratic candidates.
Specifically, the community pointed to voter irregularities throughout Ohio, in which Bush declared victory. Kerry later conceded defeat after losing the state.
Attorneys for the plaintiffs, however, claim that not all of the votes have been counted, and that the number of provisional ballots, when added to the number of votes not counted due to double voting and hanging chads, exceeds the margin of Bush. Attorneys have also expressed concern over touch-screen voting machines, which leave no paper trail and were used in the state.
Reported in jest by John Eischeid