December 3, 2004
Ivan Portly, the CEO of Dynamix Electronics, recently announced to shareholders that he would be outsourcing his own job.
The move came after much deliberation on his part, he said, but he is confident that he has made the right decision.
"I took a look at the salary comparison, and I realized that I just could not compete. By firing myself, I’ll be able to save our shareholders millions of dollars in salary, stock options and other compensation over the next year," Portly said.
The stockholders of Dynamix say they are delighted with the projected returns that have been forecast, even though some have expressed reservations about having a CEO who resides offshore, works in a different time zone and has what one shareholder described as a "limited but functional command of the English language."
"I am sad to see Ivan go," said one anonymous shareholder, "but all-in-all, we’re happy with Ivan’s decision. He’s always done what’s best for the company."
Portly is not alone.
"The 301 to 1 ratio of my pay to that of my workers was simply too high, so I resolved to outsource in order to narrow the gap," said Alvin Xavier, a CEO of a mid-sized office services firm.
"The highest paid CEO in India makes about one tenth of the average American CEO, so I think this trend will continue," he added.
Middle managers have begun to outsourcing their own jobs as well, with surprising results.
Bob McGibbons, an IT manager in New York City, found a 24-year-old Microsoft Certified programmer living in India willing do the job for a fraction of the average American salary.
"I thought about my options, and I decided that this is best for the company. Since most of our programmers are offshore, an offshore manager will better be able to meet their needs in terms of timeliness and supervision," McGibbon said.
McGibbons’s supervisor, Hardy McFry, is delighted by the move. "McGibbons showed initiative, creativity and an unwavering amount of company loyalty. He’s exactly what we expect from our employees. If he were still here, I’d promote him," McFry said.
Portly, despite that has now joined the ranks of the unemployed, agrees with President Bush that outsourcing is a "good thing."
"There’s a wealth of evidence to suggest that for every dollar sent overseas by outsourcing, there’s a forty cent return on investment. I am glad that I could contribute to the economy in such a way, and I am confident that I have made the best choice for my future and my children’s," said Portly, "The only thing I’ll miss is making political contributions."
Reported in jest by John Eischeid, inspired by the following: http://www.faireconomy.org
Reported in jest by John Eischeid